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I.
On that day, it rained and a storm wind blew fiercely. There was a road that led to Budo Mountain. That road was one of the straight roads in Thailand. Budo Mountain was not so steep and terrifying and it connects with Pattani, Yala and Narathiwas provinces.
Budo Mountain was a living zone for groups of people who wanted to separate the southern part of Thailand. This was a gathering place for people who were called "land separatist bandits" for many generations. The fighting history was still not recorded because no one could tell the truth better than the local people. The remnants of truth were not more than legends which were retold many times. Some of these tales were exaggerated in good and bad ways.
Saiburi always had rain due to its location on the east coast. The great tidal waves were caused by rainstorms. During this time, most big and small fishing boats were not afraid of any dangers because it was a good sign that they will catch more fish than usual. Not frightened of any rainstorm, fishermen fought the incoming rain by standing still on the wooden boat floor and adjusting to the shaking of boat and the level of the rainstorm. Big and small boats sailed with hope while coping with warmer sea water that leaked into the boat and cold raindrops falling from the sky.
A man called Wae A Sae sets sail with his friends many times. Soon he will become the owner of a small Ko Lae boat after he sold a beautiful tiny red ruby. In the southern dialect, ruby is called Yalemou. His parents gave it to him and the ruby was placed in an old golden container shaped like a kris.
The sparkling red ruby was brought to house of an Islamic law judge who was well known in antique merchandising. He used to sell old water jars, jugs, kris, plates and bowls to some friends who had money. Wae A Sae used to sell old jars which had Singh patterns to the judge. Whenever he had no money, everything could be sold including brass offering trays or tiny old axes.
Wae A Sae decided to sell Yalemou, a glistening red ruby that resembled the eye of a young maiden. It was also like a drop of blood that had solidified into a 2.5 carat ruby.
One day the Islamic law judge came to see A Sae who was sending his ducks to their coops and offered to purchase that red ruby for 50,000 Thai Baht.
Immediately, Wae A Sae pondered about the most elegant Ko Lae boat in the sea…
A few days later, Wae A Sae and his friends traveled to Panarae District to meet a boat builder because he knew the beautiful boat of his dreams could be built here and the price could be bargained.
That day he gazed at the vast sea with fullest hope and stood in the deserted pavilion which had the banner from Prince of Songkla University. He looked down at the very long beach. During the day when the sun shone so bright, tidal waves hit the shore, creating wonderful bubbles along the beach.
50,000 Thai Baht was the price of a Ko Lae boat without an engine. This was quite expensive for a person such as him. Several times, he sold the red-whiskered bulbul birds which were very popular at that time to the flea market in order to buy the bus tickets and went to see the boat.
The elder Ma Saning is one of the most famous boat builders in Panarae District. He is a skinny old man with many wrinkles on his whole body and he was also a local villager here. Looking at him, it was not a sign that he was a famous boat builder. He looked like a poor fisherman with rough skin because of sun and wind. For four months, the boat was constructed using pieces of golden iron wood attached together piece by piece. Wae A Sae felt that 50,000 Baht was too cheap for constructing this beautiful vessel.
The elder Ma Saning had unfolded a mattress under the coconut tree and began to perform Islamic prayer to worship Allah's kindness before he came to tell Wae A Sae that everything was finished.
In the afternoon of the day that the elder Ma brought a Japanese boat engine…
"Send the boat into the water," the elder Ma spoke calmly. Wae A Sae saw the pride in the eyes of the old man who was smiling.
"This is the most beautiful boat that I have ever built". He talked very quickly in Yawi language and sighed happily.
Wae A Sae paid the final installment and asked the older man whether the money was enough. The old man waved his hand, did not say anything and then breathed out a long cigarette smoke trail.
In the past, Wae A Sae came to Panarae District many times. He had a chance to train for building a boat, painting it with beautiful patterns, carving by himself and then painting it again with oil color.
"Let me give the name for your boat," the elder Ma Saning said
Wae A Sae was amazed: "What name… for a boat?"
"A Sae, every boat has a name to call every time."
"Do you have any good name?" Wae A Sae asked casually. He did not think that he could give a special name to the boat. He looked at the village and thought that in Thai language a boat's name should be about the symbol of good fortune or the sea.
Outside the house, a young woman was taking a bath using a bowl to fetch some water from the well and pour it on herself. Her hair was long. She wore a bathing towel. Her hair was also wet and rolled. She looked at Wae A Sae a bit and then turned her head away.
Wae A Sae lowered his eyes and looked down at his feet. He smiled to himself, astonished. She might be a wife or daughter of a person in this village. Her face looked weary and was not fresh like a young girl because her cheek looked so thin. She just used her hands to rub her body quickly. However, her eyes were like a knife piercing his heart. Those eyes stared at him emotionlessly.
Wae A Sae felt that the blood around his feet became warmer. In his youth he did not have much interest in a woman's body. He finished religious school and looked for work in many villages. Truthfully, he did have many girlfriends or had a few crushes on some girls. Likewise, some girls said they loved him.
The elder Ma Saning handed an oar to Wae A Sae. Although the boat already had an engine there was a chance that the fuel might be depleted or the engine broken.
The old man said "A Sae... this boat will be called Hawa Saning." Wae A Sae stood still with amazement about the name and family name of the boat.
"That woman is Hawa Saning," Wae A Sae said quietly. The woman, who was just taking a bath at the well, carried the water bucket and moved into the house. Wae A Sae asked: "Is she your daughter?" The elder Ma Saning nodded slightly and his emotionless eyes gazed at the sea and the tidal waves outside.
Hawa Saning was 20 years old with reddish brown skin and wavy hair to her shoulder. Her sharp eyes looked lifeless. Her waist and hip were narrow so she had no distinctive features and was not immediately attractive.
When the elder Ma Saning went into the house with Wae A Sae, Hawa was already dressed in black and brown Batik Sarong trousers and a white shirt. She smiled at Wae A Sae a bit while she was giving a brass bowl of water to him and then she walked to the kitchen.
"Hawa!" The elder Ma Saning called his daughter and said, "Wae A Sae is one of the grandchildren of the Islamic law judge at Saiburi". This was merely a claim because all Muslims were relatives, one way or another. Wae A Sae did not think that he could be a relative of someone. He was just a man who sold antiques for a living. He thought that he was only a poor Muslim.
The elder Ma Saning sat on the floor and said while he was exhaling the cigarette smoke with a long trail, "I have only one daughter. A Sae, with a boat, you will not starve to death."
Wae A Sae answered: "Now I still don't have money. I have to borrow money from many people in the city to buy this boat." He looked around the house and saw that the house only had necessary things. There was no expensive stuff in the house of the elder Ma Saning.
Wae A Sae asked: "Your daughter is still not married, is she?" The elder Ma Saning replied: "She had a husband and a daughter."
Wae A Sae's feeling was not so different from that of a typical Muslim. He was not amazed whether she was married already or not. From a Muslim viewpoint, a woman who once was married had a higher bride-price than an unmarried one. She had a daughter but he did not see a young girl around the house.
"Your payment for boat building will be an expense for your marriage to my daughter," the elder Ma Saning said with some hope. Wae A Sae refused and said that he had no money. He was not surprised that the elder Ma Saning wanted him to marry his daughter and also offered money for the marriage. Wae A Sae was not a mean person but he really had no money. His mother used to say that he should marry with someone so he could settle a family and have many children to help him at work.
Wae A Sae said: "I should set sail for a few months and after that we can talk about the marriage." Hearing that, the elder Ma Saning saddened a little and drank some water. Wae A Sae saw wrinkles and crow's feet on the old man's face. The eyes of the elder Ma Saning were really the same as his daughter. So emotionless and dry. Wae A Sae thought about himself that If he were getting old, would he be so skinny like an old man?
"I think that Hawa will be happy" the elder Ma Saning said. "Hawa has a high education. She studied in the university."
Wae A Sae knew about women who had high education. He said "What did she study?"
The elder Ma Saning replied: "Law… she graduated with a law degree."
Curious, Wae A Sae asked: "Why doesn't she get a job in Bangkok?" Wae A Sae looked at the woman once more. He used to have weird feelings about women who had high education and he did not like them much.
Wae A Sae looked at her eyes and cheek with a slight surprise. This skinny woman graduated with a law degree? Many of his friends finished Islamic education school (Po Nor school) and then they went to study at Demonstration school after that they studied in the university. She was lucky to have a chance to study while he just worked for small payments around his village. Sometimes he set sail to catch some fish. This work was only enough for daily living. His warm breath was in his chest. He heard the sound of tidal waves hit the sea. He began to feel restless because he never met this kind of problem before.
"Hawa come here!" the elder Ma Saning called. At that moment she was cooking. She stopped and then came and sat down, looking at the eyes of Wae A Sae, but she said nothing.
Wae A Sae inspected her face thoroughly like when he was shopping in the market. He smiled at her a bit and thought he did his best. There was a sign that this woman might be beautiful. She would be prettier if she wore a university student's uniform, but the woman in front of him had a very plain face. Looking at her, he felt that she had no distinctive feature. Maybe she might not trust unfamiliar people
The elder Ma Saning said: "Hawa I will allow you to marry A Sae." Hawa moved her eyebrows up with amazement, turned to stare Wae A Sae's face one more time, but she said nothing.
"You do not refuse, do you?" Wae A Sae asked politely.
"I already have a daughter," Hawa replied. She looked at his face. Wae A Sae saw that her cheek went a little red. He felt that she was more beautiful.
"Father... He doesn't know me?" Hawa pleaded.
"Anyone who knows you wouldn't dare to marry you," the elder Ma Saning concluded.
Wae A Sae did not say anything more. He looked at the young woman who was going to be his bride. When he was growing up, he did not think that he would marry this kind of woman. Knowing that she graduated with a law degree, it was really amazing.
Wae A Sae returned home in Saiburi with his new Ko Lae boat. Upon launching in the water, many fishing boats followed to send him off. He was not afraid because he was accustomed to this side of the coast. In the evening that day, Hawa packed her belongings and went to the boat with him because they would get married at Saiburi. Many villagers looked at Hawa with surprise but they did not say anything. Lights from boats were very similar to lighting candles in the entire sea.
The elder Ma Saning told his neighbors that Hawa was going to get married in Saiburi. The boat of Wae A Sae sailed to the vast sea with its new bride.
"Hawa, a young woman, set sail to get married, she isn't interested in how large the sea is." Wae A Sae spoke the rhyme in Yawi language to entertain Hawa when they were alone on the boat.
He shouted to compete with sounds from the boat and Hawa sat in the middle. She tightened her turban. Her eyes were sparkling as if she were happy. On the sea that night there was only light from Wae A Sae's boat as it cruised the sea and wind. The horizon had large stars that shone brightly. The sea breeze blew rhythmically and there were light reflections from the sand and sea.
The distance was not too far from Panarae to Saiburi. Wae A Sae stopped the engine intentionally. The small boat floated aimlessly.
II.
The house in Saiburi was not far from the river's harbor. It was an old traditional Islam-style house and it had a spacious terrace and many buildings. The financial status of Wae A Sae was not too bad. Hawa was not sure about herself: the time to know Wae A Sae was too short and how much could she restrain her mind because he was a stranger to her. His age was not different from hers and he was also large and tough. He had brown skin and his face was strong and pointed which was so unlike ordinary villagers. His simple smile was a smile of generosity. This was the reason her father agreed to send her to marry with Wae A Sae. It was a bit sad that she was not a virgin and that another man still lingered in her life.
If Wae A Sae knew that she and Jae U Seng had not terminated their marriage, he would not dare to do anything with her. In fact, the relationship between Hawa and Jae U Seng was unbreakable and Wae A Sae would be in the position of an adulterer. Hawa closed her eyes and was certain that this could not happen since Jae U Seng did not want to continue.
The face of Jae U Seng came back to her thoughts. He was a skinny young man with curvy hair.
That remembered day, it rained. A bus traveled to Panarae full of passengers. Some of them sat on the floor and many stood and held on to the bar. The bus ran on a narrow non-asphalt road. Hawa had one bag on her lap and she hugged it firmly. Everyone on the bus had serious faces and felt uneasy about the continuous rain. The bus ran half way and stopped suddenly. She remembered that she and another woman were pushed out of the bus forcefully. There were shouts in Thai and Yawi language to call people out of the bus. When Hawa came out of the bus she found that a man was hit by a gunstock and then he was unconscious. There was screaming and crying. Hawa herself was shocked. This was a bus hijacking and the groups of Thai Buddhists and Thai Muslims were separated.
"You pray for the Allah now" This was a forceful command. Hawa saw that five bandits wore dark color jackets. Everyone was wet because of the rain. This was an order to group people to force them to pray to Allah.
Hawa stood still and suddenly a strong hand slapped her face hard and she staggered.
A bandit shouted "Pray pray" at some people on the bus who would not pray. They were forcefully pulled, their luggage was examined and their belongings were seized.
"Why you don't pray?" The voice was very harsh and the hand of the speaker pressed her shoulder. Hawa responded quickly: "Allah doesn't allow me to pray in such a case" Her Yawi language stunned everyone there.
One of the bandits pulled her up and ordered: "Bring this bad-mouth woman with us." Everything stopped but Hawa was dragged and hurt. She knew about these bandits but experiencing this herself was indescribable. Who were they and why did they do this to the villagers so cruelly? Everything was so terrible. The villagers did not have weapons or any authority. Why did they do this? Thank Allah that she was not dead at that time. It was so shameful when the bandits killed a woman. That woman was Muslim.
During the heavy rain, Hawa was dragged into the woods but she could not tell how much time she was in there. Her whole body ached and her hands were tied with a rope. She felt like an animal waiting to be killed. All five bandits were so rough and talked so ugly that it was difficult to understand.
Hawa was confined in a shack on the hill. Dry cloth and warm food were sent there. She was tied with her head on the floor. Her luggage was thrown to the other side of the room. Hawa looked at it for a moment. In the luggage there were some clothes, a Bachelor's degree certificate and pictures of her graduation day with some friends. Looking at them now, here, they were all in bad shape the same as her.
"This woman is Muslim. Why do you bring her here?" There was an angry voice outside. The door opened and a man strode into the room.
Hawa raised her head. The man untied her and lifted her up. She sat and looked at him. The man talked to her softly in dialect.
The man said "Hawa, do you remember me?" Hawa stared at him angrily and then lowered her eyes. This skinny man in front of her was the one whom she remembered well although she had not seen him for many years. His face and body had not changed at all. She used to study with him at Demonstration school, Prince of Songkla University. He was a very bright student. He had a scholarship to study about religion in Cairo.
"I never thought you were so evil!" Hawa shouted.
"Hawa you don't understand" Jae U Seng grabbed both of her shoulders. "No, you will never understand. I regret everything."
Jae U Seng went to study religion in Cairo. She heard a rumor but then she met him at Budo Mountain. Budo Mountain was the place people look at with fear. It has deep woods and a high mountain parallel to the main road of Narathiwas Province. For this meeting between Hawa and Jae U Seng, the situation changed its form and direction
Jae U Seng was a warrior of the mountain. Actually, He was one of the separatist bandits.
"You are their boss?" Hawa asked seriously.
"Something like that," Jae U Seng answered in Thai language.
"I never knew about that," Hawa smiled mockingly..
"Hawa, why do you hate me? Is it because we fight for the sovereignty of our state?"
"A free state Jae U Seng? Is this really you? Do you fight to end the suffering of the people?" Hawa asked.
"Certainly," Jae U Seng answered.
"I don't believe you. You do this because you want supreme authority and revenge," Hawa said.
"Hawa, why do you talk like that?" Jae U Seng asked.
"Allah, please be my witness. A student intentionally became a warrior for the nation and the people. Everyone wants absolute power. Am I correct Jae U Seng?" Hawa answered sarcastically.
Hawa yelled at Jae U Seng while she was crying and feeling angry. Jae U Seng stood still. The air seemed stifling and outside it was horribly dark. The rain fell down the mountain. Her accommodation was a little shack in the gully. This shack was very convenient for moving. Budo Mountain had a deep forest and it was adjacent to the beach. Everything was quiet.
When Hawa turned her face back, Jae U Seng had disappeared.
This was a morning in the Ramadan rite. Hawa woke up and prayed to Allah. The costume for the rite and turban were tidy. She did not know the time and outside it was still dark. Her body still ached and had so many bruises. She heard some people talking in the next shack.
"You should have breakfast. Today we have to starve all day." Jae U Seng said. He placed the food plate on the floor and walked out of the room.
Hawa closed her eyes. If this morning she were at her home, the sound of prayer would be sent to the all speakers in the entire village. All Muslims would be cleaned and ready for prayer in order to see a new day with hope and happiness.
Every day this month until the waxing moon. This was a religious month that Muslim people have to starve themselves in order to understand the feeling of poor and starving people as well as it was a month of reminding and knowing themselves according to Islam's teachings. But now, this month, Hawa had to move on the mountain and fight the rainstorm. Everyone had little food to eat but they could survive with patience. Hawa used to struggle in Bangkok for years and back then she had to change her schools many times. But now, at this time, she had to flee the fighting, avoid fighting and hunting avoid the bullets, to fight for people.
Jae U Seng did not talk to Hawa much and she had no time to have a little chat with him. Besides obeying the order, bandits planted landmines along the way. These explosives were not so lethal but they could hurt people.
"These landmines are used for creating situations. They should know that here is our territory." Jae U Seng explained.
"If our people step on these landmines?" Hawa protested.
"They can't be so foolish." Jae U Seng said and this was his answer.
Hawa angrily looked at him and said: "I know that real fighting is not like this."
"You graduated from the law school" Jae U Seng interrupted
"Certainly, the law talks about civil rights and responsibilities." Hawa replied.
"Hawa, how long are we tormented. We have been through that since our ancestors' time. Are our people worthy in this society?" Jae U Seng asked.
Hawa explained "We still do not raise our level of education. Although we are so close to our religion that teaches us to share with the poor, some of our people who became rich and greedy look down on the poor people. In my village, during the time of election for council members of the municipality, old Muslim women who have eye problems and can barely see, quickly went to the election booth. Everyone used their right fully to choose a candidate they knew just by his reputation or maybe his father was murdered because of political issues. They chose him without knowing his name and didn't realize that he lived in a big mansion, his wife had many jewels that could buy food for the poor for years. The candidate and his family can fly abroad anytime when they feel insecure. They don't know that poor people in this city have nothing to eat. Their house is always closed and they did not welcome the poor people to enter. He never told people that the corn flours, which are used to feed infants as a traditional way to raise children, have no quality and no value. So it is, our people lacked quality and value because of this. How can we elevate the minds of our people when they only consume corn flours as the main meal? Each family has lots of children. Jae U Seng, why don't we set a campaign in our village and with the families? Why do have to fight for unbelievable things such as the separation of state authority?"
"Hawa, you should blame the system that causes such problems. How can we do anything about minor issues if we cannot overhaul the major ones?" Jae U Seng answered.
"Are you telling me that it is about racial discrimination?" Hawa asked.
"Absolutely!" Jae U Seng answered
"According to social sciences you may be right." Hawa said mockingly and asked: "How about other countries that can unite their nation without troubles?"
Jae U Seng said nothing
Hawa pressed on: "The free state… the geographical features of our city, is not large enough. We have no valuable natural resources such as diamond mines, oil deposits or uranium mines. People barely understand others due to language differences. Can you tell me what the independent state in your dream is? A state that is governed by highly educated students from abroad such as yourself. Right! Someone may be as lucky as you because he is clever and has money to study anywhere he wants. This is just a dream. If someone gave Budo Mountain to me, I would not know what to do with it."
Jae U Seng asked: "Hawa, life in the city influenced you so badly. I don't know how you can reject your people?"
Hawa argued "Reject people? You said I reject people. About the law I studied. You think that it is meaningless. I came back to fight for Muslim women. I am thinking and I can do it. Jae U Seng, I was the first person who was selected in a rural physicians' project. Everyone said that I was so stupid to refuse that campaign and I chose to study Law. I thought the chance to study law is not so easy for a Muslim woman like me. A poor woman like me could not help many people because I have nothing except a clever brain and I lacked the necessities. I really hope that my law knowledge can assist people in the community efficiently and can serve them well. But, Jae U Seng, I do not want to improve anything except the well-being of underdeveloped and uneducated people especially Muslim women and their children."
"Family Law is the issue of the Al-Quran only. Hawa, you will reject the truth that we hold for a thousand years?" Jae U Seng asked.
Hawa said: "I am only a law student and I am not that good. Our fight should be more consistent. I don't want to separate the land or snatch people to our side. You studied about religion before but maybe you don't understand anything."
"I studied administration," Jae U Seng answered.
"Huh... Political Science?" Hawa said "Now the society still does not want you. Our society is too poor and inferior to know a national revolutionary.
This was the longest conversation between Hawa and Jae U Seng. It is not that she hated him, but she was surprised that he did such a big job alone. After that she only talked to him briefly and later he brought her down from Budo Mountain to Panarae village on the brightest day with large tidal waves along the beach. Finally, Jae U Seng told the elder Ma Saning about this incident and he proposed marriage to Hawa because she was kidnapped before the rainy season.
The marriage ceremony of Hawa and Jae U Seng was held in the village. She got some money as engagement gifts and jewelry sets which were emerald and small diamonds in a golden container necklace and bracelet. Pale green emerald was very popular with Muslim people. That day, Hawa wore a glistening golden dress, used thick makeup and dark lipstick. The bride looked beautiful and radiant. All villagers who helped the marriage ceremony were very pleased. No one suspected who the groom was and where he was from because they knew about his ancestors and they had no doubt about him at all.
Hawa told her father that Jae U Seng was a land-separatist bandit. The elder Ma Saning listened patiently as if her husband was a sheriff of Budo Mountain. His relatives were aristocratic and well mannered. Reactions of the guests to the marriage were pleasant and everyone seemed so calm they did not speak or do anything unpleasant. Their costumes were colorful. They used Hawa's house at the sea for the marriage ceremony. After the ceremony was finished, everyone walked casually along the wide beach.
Hawa's marriage ceremony welcomed a high-ranking police officer as an honorable guest. He was a Police Lieutenant Colonel who spoke the Muslim Thai dialect fluently. Someone told her that he was from Narathiwas Province. Without shyness, he gave his blessing to Hawa and Jae U Seng although he was not a Muslim.
Hawa was astonished that he knew Jae U Seng well. They hugged each other and spoke as friends. She thought that was impossible. The police officer had a dignified manner and seemed well educated. He was also very delighted that she graduated from the university.
"It is regrettable that we haven't met before." The police officer talked teasingly.
"What can I do now?" He talked a lot more. Everyone there called him: Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch.
Hawa smiled but she had nothing to say. He looked at her kindly and caringly. She was not sure that she ever saw such meaningful eyes anywhere before.
Teeruch handed Hawa a gift, looked at her and said "I would like to help Jae U Seng for the next election. U Seng you chose a very good wife."
Teeruch spoke openly. These words made Hawa tremble. She knew that he had set up a project to meet people. Talking with villagers in the mosque. Sometimes he brought special guests who were also high ranking soldiers to talk about the way to solve problems. He was a forward thinking man. Villagers admired and had faith in him because he spoke their dialect fluently. He was hard-working and he was a single. It was surprising that Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch was still not married because his manners were so charming. It was also amazing that Jae U Seng, who was not afraid of police authority, did not escape to the woods. Jae U Seng had a good car and well-armed followers. He also had an expensive mansion in Yaring District.
Her bridal house was painted in white and had an arch-door like a typical Muslim house. The front door had two large side stairs. This was decorated beautifully. It was unbelievable that there was a beautiful house among normal poor people houses. The upper floor was decorated with polished glass and Chinese porcelain.
Hawa used to see many beautiful houses. When she saw Jae U Seng's house, she was surprised that red luxury carpets were laid in every room.
In the evening of that day, the Lieutenant Colonel came to this house to celebrate with his friends who were lawyers and district attorneys. Everyone had fun talking and sipping brandy.
Jae U Seng was the most recognizable man in the party. His face was so striking that when he dressed well in a good atmosphere, he was like a scholar who was clever and humble. However, Hawa was not happy but all she could do was smile.
Police Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch talked to Hawa about her education. He drank brandy and his eyes gazed at her sharply. A bachelor of law first class honor made him think that she was so very fascinating.
Hawa called Teeruch casually: "Rong Teeruch," when they were acquainted. He asked about old things and the university where she was graduated. He felt happy to talk about his old professors.
Teeruch saw a smile on Hawa's face and he felt so strange. He thought that he might fall in love with her at first sight although this day was a marriage ceremony of Hawa and Jae U Seng.
The atmosphere did not quite resemble a marriage ceremony; it was more like a party. Jae U Seng was a good host who talked gaily. It was late that night that the guests went back to their homes.
Hawa took a bath and changed her clothes. The wedding day was a day when she threw out all of her old and heavy burdens and simply acquired new ones.
"Send people to clean the tables," Jae U Seng ordered his men. He smiled when he saw Hawa. He lit a cigarette and walked to the porch outside. The night wind blew through the tamarind trees. Hawa approached him.
"Why did they come to our wedding?" Hawa asked with curiosity, referring to the Colonel.
Jae U Seng answered: "Because I invited them."
Hawa quickly turned to her husband.
Jae U Seng said further: "Hawa, I am an influential man. I can control many things. This is the reason why they allow me to live. In his opinion, he might say he has to keep me alive for the peace of the country."
"Does he know your real identity?" Hawa asked.
Jae U Seng replied: "He is not a fool. I think that he really has to keep me alive"
Hawa said seriously: "Jae U Seng in your life, you will find more troubles."
"I have you. It is not a big deal," Jae U Seng said and turned to see her face. He grabbed both of her shoulders and kissed her cheek. That was the first time. Hawa did not reject Jae U Seng as she accepted his touch but she had no word to speak except the sound of wind that blew a large tamarind tree in front of the house and tamarind leaves blew with the wind.
"Hawa I've loved many women but not one was like you," Jae U Seng whispered in her ear and pulled her thin body. He embraced her tightly with his hands. "Allah sent you to meet me. I almost rejected life in the city. I used to think about using guerrilla warfare to take back my people. But I see you. You studied law. I respect the law. Hawa it is so strange. I should not choose you"
These last words still stirred in her mind "I should not choose you". It might truly be her because his life seemed changed but at the same time it seemed an impossible thought.
III.
The life of Hawa would be better when she married. Everything might adjust well but a crisis changed her life when she moved to this house after less than one month.
At that time Jae U Seng was very serious. Many unfamiliar people came to him both Thai Buddhist and Thai Muslim. Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch was even a regular guest of that village. One day, wearing a field uniform, he came to see Jae U Seng in the early morning. There were many police cars. Jae U Seng went outside with him and came back in the late evening.
"What's the matter" Hawa asked Jae U Seng worriedly when she saw that he was so tired.
"Our men took people for hostages and demanded ransom," Jae U Seng replied.
"Our men?" Hawa asked"
"No I mean Muslim. Besides me, you know there are many factions of bandits," Jae U Seng answered.
Hawa said: "He suspected that it was your men's action and you have to find them. Surely, he has to force you because you have power and authority."
She was so angry again because she still remembered that she was hurt badly that time. "I never think that you still do evil by taking people for hostage and ask for ransom," Hawa said angrily.
Jae U Seng refused: "No I don't do that anymore." He rushed into his room and Hawa saw his anger for the first time. She knew that he was exhausted from tracking bandits this morning. Although he did not tell who the police were tracking, she concluded that he failed to find them. She still did not believe that he gave up everything when she came into his life because those were his benefits and ideals. All jewelry and money might be from extorting protection money from someone or taking people for ransom. Who knew?
Hawa also went into the room. Jae U Seng slept on the bed cover with both of his hands on pillows. She sat down.
Jae U Seng said he was hurt and had no solution. "Hawa, I tried to give up so many times. Sometimes I know that the country forced me to become a bandit. At least I am a descendant of people who the government called rebels and the government drowned them 30-40 years ago. My authority is superior to most villagers. Everything I want I must get it myself. I can decide everything including who can live or who can die. Hawa, perhaps I am what people talk about."
"Your actions tell me all what you are doing," Hawa said and did not sympathize with him.
"It is necessary. Hawa," he said.
"Necessary?" Hawa said as she raised her eyebrow and smiled insultingly.
"Right. Initially I used to think about people in terms of winning and freedom but that is not possible. This is too large a thing for me and I am not a god."
Hawa said: "I don't know what happened to you, Jae U Seng, I only know the country needs you to do something and you can do it."
Everything was so intense. Hawa tried to ask him more and he was silent. There was no explanation.
Hawa slept stressfully. Her dream was so repetitive. She used to dream that Jae U Seng went to the forest in front of him. Hawa ran to follow him and heard the sound of gunshot. She saw the body of Jae U Seng lay on the ground and there was so much blood around him. She screamed so loudly and then she woke up from the nightmare.
How can Hawa tell him about her concern. The government still does not know who he is. Financial conditions oppressed him heavily, Later she knew that he had some shares in Bannang Star and a sports equipment store in Bangkok. All his relatives were rich and this conflicted the feeling that he kidnapped her to Budo Mountain. She was not so sure why he did that except to create a situation. She remembered when she went to study in Bangkok. At the end of the semester she came back home and found that many villages were burnt to ashes. After news about attacks at the police stations, the most depressing news was a teacher shot in front of the Thai flag. That was an unforgiving action in her opinion. When she asked others about this event, everyone closed their mouths and their eyes were blank. There was no analyzing, no comments. She was amazed why it could be like this.
Jae U Seng disappeared. He went out of the house... since November. Hawa got pregnant. He knew about this but where did he go. She only knew that he drove out of the house, smiling and waving at her. His face was normal or he was fooling her.
Hawa thought that he should tell her more than this. Later, they his car parked in the city with the key in the ignition.
Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch drove this car back to Jae U Seng's home and said to Hawa: "U Seng left his car." He was worried and surprised when he told her about it. Hawa only listened without showing any emotion.
Many days later, when Hawa thought about her pregnancy and that no one cared about it, she felt she was lost and cried for a long time. She was not afraid of any hardship but thought that it was not fair for a pregnant woman without a husband to look after her. She vomited so much and had fever all the time. The image of Jae U Seng was blurry in her tears. It was the image that Jae U Seng walked up Budo Mountain and was shot to death. This might be true.
There was no sadness that could compare with her grief. It was like he came to her life and then walked out without saying goodbye. She had to bear a heavy burden to be a mother without asking to be. Her health worsened so she had to be admitted to a hospital because of severe morning sickness. Lieutenant Colonel Teeruch brought her to the hospital.
The Colonel bought her a large flower bouquet almost every day. They chatted about many trivial and funny things. He tried to find time to talk to her and promised to find Jae U Seng. He explained the reason why Jae U Seng disappeared. He told her that there were traces of fighting because a car door was opened and there was a trail of dragging in the ground away from the car. Hawa felt he must be seriously hurt.
"U Seng might be betrayed," Teeruch said. He looked at Hawa. Her face was full of unhappiness and in her mind, more than people her age can bear. He seemed so familiar and always admired her personality.
"Might he be dead?" Hawa asked him many times.
This was a question for which she never wanted an answer. Teeruch wiped the tears on her cheek. He consoled her to stop crying.
Later, Hawa had a baby daughter who had a smile that resembled her father's and she even smiled when she slept. This smile terrified Hawa all the time. Hawa was frustrated to live in the house in Yaring so she hauled her daughter to Bangkok and became a lawyer for a newspaper company. Her work concerned legal documents. She tried to forget all hurtful things. She sent her daughter to live with the relatives of her husband and still waited for the news of Jae U Seng. Hawa followed news about Teeruch who became a full colonel. He was still unmarried. She remembered his kindness when he brought her to the hospital during the disappearance of Jae U Seng.
"Colonel Teeruch was shot in his abdomen." Hawa was shocked to hear about this. Teeruch became a colonel four years later and at this time he was shot by a bullet from an enemy when he was patrolling the area around the mountain.
She brought a big rose bouquet to visit him at the hospital and she saw a sign "No visitors allowed". She was disappointed so she decorated with the flowers at the nurse's station. Thinking about the past, she tried to visit him again.
Hawa's face changed drastically. She looked chique and energetic. Her widow status was another factor that made her charming and many people turned to look at her when they walked by. Teeruch met her again and he actually had a strong feeling for her. He had strong affection for her but at that time she had just married a person whom he called, "the chief bandit".
Hawa came to visit Colonel Teeruch many times. He was hospitalized for almost two months. After he left the hospital, he proposed to Hawa immediately without listening to rejections from others. Hawa listened to his marriage proposal. It gave her a similar feeling like his old phrase, "U Seng, you chose a good wife."
These words reminded her of her old memory. Hawa rejected his proposal. She knew he was angry but he had no right to detain her. He thought wrong. She refused because of old acquaintance. He was a colonel. This position was a police director and can only be received by competing with other candidates.
"I am very strict with my religion," Hawa said with no facial expression.
"We will marry in your religion. My house is in Narathiwas. Hawa I used to be in the Islamic culture. There is no problem." Teeruch said.
"We never loved each other." Hawa said.
"What about Jae U Seng? Hawa, you never loved him, too." This was a question Hawa knew well. He knew that Hawa was kidnapped to the mountain.
Hawa did not say anything.
"I must marry you Hawa," he said nervously "When I came out of the hospital, I told myself that I will have a wife."
Hawa was surprised by this. Hawa always thought about the tricky ways of Colonel Teeruch and sometimes she laughed at him.
Hawa said: "I was a widow. I was expensive," she smiled at him lightly or she said another sentence that Teeruch did not want to hear: "I must marry a Muslim man."
Hawa knew that she was not a woman who could make men crazy. More importantly, she was not too proud of herself. Living closely with someone or interested in someone was not like the love from Jae U Seng or Colonel Teeruch. She could not answer who she might like more. If sexual instinct can be an answer, Colonel Teeruch might have more and would treat her better while Jae U Seng cannot give her a good future.
Something made her suspicious about the disappearance of Jae U Seng and the police director position of Colonel Teeruch. He never left his area. When he chose her to marry, it is inevitable that he got derision from everyone who knew Jae U Seng.
She was not sure why he dared to take such a huge risk.
Everything came in like an untouchable rainbow. Hawa kept answering and rejecting him. If Teeruch asked her, she would tell him that it cannot happen like this.
Hawa almost forget Colonel Teeruch for the last year. During this time she was occupied with a large project. She had to rush a translation of a book called "Islamic Law in Libya." The reason why she rushed this job was because she knew that some Thai people would like to work abroad during gold digging in Arab countries. There was a good chance that the manager of the publishing company would recommend her to translate. When the book was printed, she received some payment from the translation job and later she was arrested.
After a few days when her books were sold, Hawa was arrested and accused as a danger to the nation. She was accused that her behavior was prone to destroy the nation. She used to have a husband who was a wanted bandit. Everyone believed that he already fled to another country. He was discovered to have an illegal minerals trade, weapons merchandise and that he gathered people on the Budo Mountain which expanded to many provinces.
Hawa made a mistake. She never intended or had a hidden intention to translate this law book because she forgot to look back to her origin. She only knew that she was a lawyer and completely forgot that a Muslim woman should not do anything at all in the present society.
Hawa's case passed the court proceeding safely since she was not guilty. She knew very well that the person behind all this mess was Colonel Teeruch.
"Well done Hawa." Teeruch complimented her when he saw her face to face coming from the court. Teeruch said without emotion: "You are no longer suspicious." He paused for a moment: "Now can you marry me?"
Hawa was so angry that she swore in her native dialect. It was becoming painful for her to live. She must accept the fact that she was hurt badly and she could not stand it anymore. She went back to her home town in Panarae, looked at the tidal waves and stood in the poor village. She thought it was better than wearing a mask to conceal her face and she felt that she was thrown away like a book with no value.
The elder Ma Saning still built boats and some days she helped him, using water colors to draw Singh and Buroksingh which were birds in the literature.
If no one ordered him to build a big boat, then Ma Saning made a living by building small Ko Lae boats for house decoration in rich people's houses.
It was almost a month that she came home when Ma Saning decided to give her to Wae A Sae, a man who sold Yalemou to trade for a boat.
Hawa looked at him and ignored the fact that the elder Ma Saning gave her to him. She knew that he was a poor man but when she saw him she decided to marry him immediately.
If Wae A Sae knew that Hawa used to be a wife of Jae U Seng, he might throw her into the sea because the name of Jae U Seng was still powerful and threatening in this region. Someone told her that he was still at the border of the mountain.
The boat that was built by Ma Saning was quite meaningful to the marriage couple. He used to say: "If you have a boat, you will not starve to death."
When Hawa reached Saiburi that evening, she handed a money box to Wae A Sae. There was precisely 50,000 baht in that box.
Saiburi was an old city of Pattani. It was a historical city. Formerly there was a city ruler. This place had Islamic local cultures and was surrounded by the east coast. There was a medium sized pier and more than 1,000 beautiful Ko Lae boats roamed the sea like colorful fish. At the beach there were around 10,000 coconut trees. Islamic houses were spread in coconut forests.
In the morning the sun rises in the East. The house of Wae A Sae was an old wooden house. The house inside was decorated in the style of the middle class which had only necessary things.
Wae A Sae's mother was very old. She was kind and dressed cleanly. She greeted Hawa in the morning "What's your name, dear?" as she smiled at Hawa. His mother knew from Wae A Sae that the wedding would take place the next week.
Wae A Sae wore sarong trousers, a clean white shirt and a turban. He walked to his wife and said: "Today I will go to see the Islamic law judge"
"Why do you want to see him? Hawa said sweetly.
"To get my money I will buy the ruby back for you. It should be an engagement gift for our wedding," Wae A Sae said.
Hawa begged her husband: "It might be sold already Wae A Sae. You don't have to get it back. It's not so important. A Sae I already have much jewelry. I have the pale green emerald set from my last wedding. They were so expensive that they can be sold and buy food for the poor for many months"
Wae A Sae said: "Let me do it. Last night I thought about this for the whole night" He looked at Hawa and his eyes were so gentle.
"Was it so big and expensive?" Hawa asked.
"No it was so tiny like the end of your little finger but I want to give it to you," Wae A Sae replied.
Wae A Sae went into the village to the house of the judge. It was Sunday morning. He met the judge who was coming out of the house. "Did you sell Yalemou to anyone?" Wae A Sae greeted him politely.
"No but someone wanted to look at it," the judge said.
"Who was he?" Wae A Sae asked.
"A police director. He wanted to have it appraised first," the judge answered.
"I want it back. How much do you want to buy it back?" Wae A Sae asked.
"60,000 Baht," the judge said.
"I only have 50,000 baht," Wae A Sae said.
Wae A Sae took out a money bag and said: "Please Sir, I really want to have it back I am getting married." Wae A Sae's last words were softer and he smiled. It was a smile of hope and happiness. The judge nodded in agreement.
The judge said "We have to go to Tani (Pattani). Actually the police director said the price is rather high. He will bring it to check in Bangkok. It is not sure whether he might buy."
"You can go with my newly built Ko Lae boat. We can sail to Pattani Bay and park it at the police station." Wae A Sae invited the judge who was reluctant but when he saw the Ko Lae boat at the pier, he did not refuse.
The Ko Lae boat of Wae A Sae sailed past bigger vessels that were parked peacefully in Pattani bay, which has muddy water not as clear as in Saiburi. Many fishing boats were parked at the bridge.
Wae A Sae met the police director and found that he was a very good talker and very smart. Moreover, He spoke the Yawi Language fluently. "I was born in Narathiwas Province," the police director said.
The judge asked about the ruby he gave him. Without hesitation, he took the ruby out of a box and gave it to Wae A Sae who did a traditional Thai greeting.
"Where does your bride come from?" the police director asked when he knew that Wae A Sae will get married.
"She is from Panarae, Sir," Wae A Sae answered.
"What is her name?" Colonel Teeruch asked.
Hawa Saning, Sir". Wae A Sae answered.
The police Colonel Teeruch was stunned. The man in front of him was an ordinary fisherman who had nothing special. Was this a man whom Hawa chose to marry? It was unbelievable. What for? Maybe he had to lure a tiger out of a cave for more information about her. She used to work in the student club and earned some money by sending documents to university facilities. She was loved by many people but she married a Muslim man who had a bad, unsavory record. Hawa studied well and passed the exam for the local physicians' campaign but why did she turn to study Law. She had nothing to with the land-separatist bandits. Most importantly, he still could not answer Hawa about the location of Jae U Seng.
"Judge I want to talk to you about something. How did you come here?" Colonel Teeruch asked.
"I came here by boat, Sir," Wae A Sae replied.
"You should go home. I will send some police to escort the judge back to Saiburi," Colonel Teeruch said.
Wae A Sae handed the money in the bag to the judge and he walked back to the boat in the late evening. The sea water sparkled. His boat sailed on to the sea. The red ruby was still in his pocket. He thought about old traditional poems and his wedding at Saiburi. This was the first marriage for him. It was like a dream. He hummed a song lightly. Boats moved rhythmically. Wae A Sae saw some fish jump along the waves.
Wae A Sae smiled to himself. He might be a diligent fisherman to build a new family. This might be the time to start living. He felt his body was warmer. He was going to give this Yalemou to a woman he loved. He did not know why he loved her. He never asked about who her last husband was. For some things, there was no need to know.
His boat was suddenly pressed on two sides. Boats resembling gray police boats approached. They gave a sign for Wae A Sae to stop the boat. He looked in all directions and knew that he was entering Saiburi. When these boats came closer, they were not police's boats at all
The boat of Wae A Sae floated aimlessly for a long time until his friend found it, dragged it to a pier and then went to spread the news. Hawa stood still with shock and fainted. When she awoke, she cried non-stop. It was like the time when Jae U Seng disappeared. Everything looked confusing without hope. The image of the police colonel Teeruch flashed into her mind. It was he who brought terrible things to her family every time. Suddenly, in her imagination she thought about the confrontation with him when she would pull a trigger.
This could be called the torment of a citizen. Definitely, he was the one who plotted everything. Hawa wondered about her condition that she was hurt mentally for years and suffered from misfortune. She only needed peace but society forced people to do something they did not want to do and in her imagination she killed Teeruch already.
About the disappearance of Wae A Sae: The police colonel Teeruch came to investigate at the site himself even though he didn't need to come. Confused and baffled, he looked thoroughly for a trace of fighting on the boat but there was no evidence. He turned to talk to Hawa formally and said that he was so sorry that such an incident occurred.
Hawa sat down and listened idly. There is one theory of which many rulers are afraid. One person dies, more people are born. This is simple concept. If good people are killed, they will be sympathetic and history will record their virtuous deeds.
"Hawa, the government is not the one that is responsible for this incident." He began to explain more. "Who dares to kill the leader of people? The reason why you understand that Jae U Seng is treated badly is because everything is made to be so believable that way. You forget that you were kidnapped to Budo Mountain, don't you? We have followed your path for a long time but you decided to marry someone whom the government was not sure about his intention. He disappeared and did not return. I used to think that he went abroad but he did not. You might wonder that we forced him to capture other groups of bandits. Even you were blamed and got a bad reputation. Many people were curious about what kind of job you did or which foreign organization supported you. For your court trial that day, I tried to let you prove yourself to the public that you were innocent."
Teeruch paused for a moment. Everything was clear, Hawa thought. She looked at him and told herself that no one could trick her anymore.
At Saiburi, tidal waves still move back and forth to the beach but that place still has no peace-giving answer for Hawa who will be a bride of the sea the next day. Does the world give justice to a woman who wants to rely on the law?
This Story Ballade is based on a story that was one of the nominated fifteen short stories in the final round short-stories selection of the SOUTH EAST ASIAN WRITERS AWARD (S.E.A WRITE) in 1982.
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