So I watched the Oscars on my desktop. Had to sign up for a YouTube plan which would cost me 70 bucks but I canceled it after I watched the broadcast so there's that. And as usual I waited till the last minute so I missed the first 15 minutes figuring out how to get the live broadcast and I never know when it starts anyway.

Somebody I think possibly the guy who won best director said that he wanted us to resurrect going to see films at the local cinemas which we were deprived of during lockdown. It's such an important part of filmmaking and we're missing out and blah blah blah.

That just makes me sad because it reminds me of all the gazillion of times that me and the old man used to go to the movies. It was one of our primary Enjoyments. He used to clip out the reviews from the various newspapers and save them to go over, even going to the trouble of rating them. And oh my Lord, did he have an opinion about what we should go see. His favorite films? Burn, The Conversation, Z—you see where I'm going—those were the benchmarks. Put my foot down at a certain point and said OK if it's a Palestinian widow no. I'm just gonna say no. He wasn't into sci-fi at all, so if I wanted to watch some fantasy thing or the latest Star Trek I was on my own.

So back to what this guy said at the Oscars about going to the movies. I get it, but I'm busy binging on a show that lasts in the aggregate like a [fill in the blank] I and II. Essentially that's the reason that mini serieses were invented. And my God I get the whole Zeitgeist of being in a big room with a bunch of people and taking simultaneous gasp of breath or laughing your asses off. The humanity of it and what not. But as I get older, I need my creature comfort, man. I just want to be able to pause and go to the bathroom or like last night when I knew the Oscars were coming around the bend used the commercial break to go downstairs get my popcorn machine bring it upstairs with popcorn and Preset with coconut oil and a little jar of Celtic sea salt, plugged it in and made a huge batch right there behind my desk chair. And I get to make it the way I like it. I'm sorry I just don't really care for movie popcorn. Way too salty.

As far as the interactive aspect, it's an absolute crapshoot as to whether the whole experience is gonna be ruined by somebody two rows behind you blabbing the whole time or coughing or eating something that they snuck into the theater that smells to high heavens. Think, I don't know, Thai food or maybe a really ripe hotdog which they could've actually got at the concession stand. Ugh.

I mean, think about it. I knit by myself, but I have a Knitting group. I read by myself, but I could join a book club. I haven't but I could. I've certainly gone traveling by myself. But then the choir tours have been fabulous. Don't have to do a thing just kind of follow along with the itinerary.

So I've had both. There's lots of other things as well. I cook and I go to restaurants. I'm not super picky about the food so I'd have to say I kind of like my own stuff especially since I just stock my pantry and I really enjoy the process in my own little kitchen. Sure there's been some cases, God help me there was the vegetarian chili that went straight into the compost bin, but by and large I tailor things the way I like them and learn from my mistakes. And I don't have to pay a bunch.

This is also sad because one of the major things that I shared with my partner was going to restaurants. Especially the ritual of bringing those stupid plastic leftover containers in a recycled cloth bag. First I used to shrink in my seat when he would rattle around in that bag and pull containers out at the end of the meal. Later on though it became more and more endearing like man there is just no way this guy is going to let this go. It means so much to him to be all ecological. I'm not going to go down a total rat hole about the number of times that irked other people in the party. My sister-in-law particularly who just rolled her eyes. She was so unaccountably insulted by the process. That's OK she's a snob.

So here I am, I'm all by myself and I get to pick and choose my experiences and I wonder what the physiology of it is. The sharing of human connection and maybe there's some ineffable quality it can't be reproduced. So be it.

But I love me my me time .