What do you say when you don't have anything to say?

Reaching a sort of unprecedented level of energy and then burning through all or most of it.

I am sitting here tired, had a good night's sleep but even so I've been told there's no future and there's no past. Everything is happening now.

I believe it. I told my daughter in law that this was a kind of Yoda moment. She replied there is no try there is only do. I was leaving and she had to get back to work so we couldn't continue the discussion. I wanted to say there is no try there is no do. We have to remember that quoting bullshit from George Lucas is problematic, even if Yoda is very endearing.

Oh wait! Not only is there no do, there is only be. Living in a real world that isn't real.

Alan Watts would say what a trip! It's happening. I can dig it.

And being tired? Why fight it. Historically I know that if I take too many naps I'm not going to sleep very well at night. Once in a while I will bolster myself with coffee, but caffeine and my tummy don't get along, so the antidote sometimes is find something to do: write, knit, cook, watch, sing.

Among the people that I am able to chat with about spiritual exploration there has been talk of various iconic speakers as well as current ones. We get them all on YouTube, sometimes two or three hours worth at a time. One friend said oh I fell asleep in that guy's lecture , he was so boring!  She of course had forgotten that I signed up for a week long retreat with this very fellow or maybe she didn't forget maybe she just has a particularly strong memory of the guy and she flat out didn't like him.

That's cool. I'm not beholden to somebody else's opinion. Keep having to remind myself.

One of my old theater buddies has got a hate-on for Whitney Houston; she sings too loud and goes off key. Since he flung down the gauntlet I figured I might as well do my own research so I brought her up on YouTube to hear her most well-known song from Bodyguard and I have to say I did not agree. She sounded just fine to me, very strong, very focused, if an eensy bit dated. I don't think my friend even knows what off key means. People say that a lot and they don't really actually mean it. Maybe bending is what they're referring to. I don't care. In fact, I liked her sound very much. (That I then went on and watched the entire movie of Bodyguard is neither here nor there.)

Recently started getting rid of extraneous online material/emails partly because Google is threatening me, I've used up too much space. Define too much. It's clearly arbitrary but it bugs me in the same way that it bugged me to have to pay for a permit to park in front of my house. Started at 35 bucks a year and is now $80. I don't pay for that, never have and never will. Sorry.

So am I going to cough up $1.99 a month in order not to be forced into going through all my old emails and deleting a bunch of them. I like my archives and I know I can move them onto an extraneous hard drive or something but as my son reminds me emails in that form are not emails anymore they're just data and so you have to have a way of reading that data. Oh, you know what seriously actually I'm getting a stomachache even thinking about that.

What was my point? Do I need a point? Is not having a point perfectly OK? Is having a series of questions acceptable? And if not why not? Are you not the boss of me? Or are you? OK this is making me laugh and I can't dictate while I'm laughing. So that's the end of the questions I guess.

I am still tired. Maybe it's because yesterday was pretty intense, two zooms in a row and a phone call and a knitting circle that devoted a lot of time to an out of town member whom we all love, but who can't hear very well and so we cannot put her at the end of the table she won't be able to hear diddly squat so each of us takes a turn talking to her and I can't hear that well myself so I end up fidgeting, which is not what I want to do. It's exhausting.

You know what else is exhausting trying to be somebody that you aren't or putting on a continuous show. I can totally let go of that. See how I did that? We're back into doing! You know, the whole monkey mind thing. There is no do! There is only be.

I contemplated writing the title and just submitting an empty space. But I really like writing what can I say. Or maybe I just like the sound of my voice.

Actually since I bought the Microsoft package so that I can access Access, haha, I also have a bit more robust dictating capabilities and I can also get the guy to read it back to me. Kind of creepy but fun.

There's my answer: I'm not doing. He is.