What’s in a name? That which we call a rose |
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Alack! anon, the forthcoming, arrant, bodacious segué, brought to you tout-de-suite, is, by any other name, a smelly, stinkeroo! From Worst Stand-up Routine to Worst Film Festival. THIS … in the name of Art? “Help Me, help me, help me” … Pop Quiz 1-Name the movie that ended with that line. I really do need help. Hi folks, my wife and I just flew back from Paris, wow, are our arms tired! When we were there, I told her I felt so gay being in Paree ... she gave me such a look, then made me sleep on the sofa the entire trip! I'm tellin' ya, I got plastered in Paris. Those people put wine in everything ... not only their cooking ... they even put it in their Plaster of Paris, ho, ho, ho! We went to all the great museums: the Louvre, Museum D'Orsay ... you name it (I can’t) I'm tellin' ya, I got so much culture they could put ME in a Pitre Dish, and find a cure for somethin'.This city is the most romantic city in the world! Lucille and I fell in love all over again; even decided to get married after all these years ………… tee, hee, just kidding, as normal (or, as you are probably saying right now … as abnormal!) heavens knows, those kids of ours have acted like little bastards at times! The sights we had seen as we strolled about the streets … well, er ... some we saw from our derrières ... we learned the hard way NOT to look up too often; tripping myriad’s of times. The sidewalks are so old and worn and slippery, the streets are cobblestone and uneven, they place teeny-weenie concrete construction/traffic stanchions without ribbons or chains … ooops, I did it again, and again! trip, slip and fall, that's all you saw: We The Tourists tripping, slipping and falling! Speaking of beaucoup (Cajun for myriad), I must have walked right into one of the smaller pyramids, myriads of times, in the Louvre’s courtyard, quad, triad … ouch!, #%@&!, pardon my French! Geez, what’s that nice park in front of the Louvre called? Ah, yes, I remember it well. Ahh, well, just a little bit! (those senior moments pop out at will, now) Bien sûr! The Jardin des Tuileries! As luck would have it, we were in Paris; therefore missing the NOWFF held for the 12th year in the Big Easy. It’s an acronym for New Orleans WORST Film Festival. Is this unique only to New Orleans? Believe me, as intended, it lives up to its name.
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The Venerable Sludgie and the Twins: Danger Will Robinson! N O W F F’s purpose is to raise food, money and awareness for: The Second Harvester’s Food Bank,1201 Sams Avenue, New Orleans, Louisiana 70123, (504) 734-1322
The brains? … arghh! Gag! Hope they don’t run out of bloody cauliflower!:
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Pray tell, Imperious leader, why did you create this monster … um, this God-awful Festival … why do you have it? … why, why why? … AAAAAAEEEEEEIIIIIII!o you have this Festival?
Primarily, we hold the Film Festival to share some really bad films with mankind. While we're having fun doing that, we also raise food and money for the Second Harvester's Food Bank of New
Orleans. We also hope that this activity brings awareness to the plight of the hungry in America.
The net proceeds of all N.O.W.F.F. activities are donated to support Second Harvester’s Food Bank. Second Harvester's Food Bank.
When did the N.O.W.F.F. start? I would presume at about the precise time your collective brains stopped functioning, ‘eh? The idea was born back in 1990, at a pizza party at the humble abode of
N.O.W.F.F. President, Alfred Richard. From its humble and soggy beginnings (N.O.W.F.F. I at UNO was almost rained out) the festival has grown into the focal point for lovers of bad cinema in the New Orleans area and elsewhere. How often do you have this Festival? I’ll shut my eyes while
you answer; as best for me not to know when the next one is….??? How often do you have this festival? Once a year is all that humanity can stand! Do you do anything other than the Festival?
E.g. leave your house; and go about in the ‘real world’! Yes. We also host bad film rooms at various science fiction conventions, primarily in Southeast. See the section of this site for details on our next misadventure. What constitutes a bad movie?Please, no offense, take it briefly on us with
your reply. What are you doing man? I didn’t say take your briefs off for us with your pliers…you need Sprint! There isn't a simple one-word answer to this question. Many factors go into making a
bad movie, and sometimes there are exceptions to the rule. Sometimes, people in the same group will differ on whether or not a given film is, in fact, bad to begin with!
In General, Some Elements of a Bad Film are:
1. Poorly written script:
If the plot resembles Swiss cheese with lotsa' holes, then it is a bad movie.
2. Poor or Over The Top Acting:
If the actors in a grade school production sound more convincing then the actors in a movie you are
a watching, then it is a bad movie.
3. (Not So) Special Effects:
If the above mentioned high school acting troupe had special effects and sets that looked more convincing than the movie you're watching, it might be a dog.
We say might because there are a few titles with low or cheesy looking special effects that really
are not bad. Dr Who comes to mind. Big budget special effects do not a good movie make. Examples of this are Waterworld and the embarrassing Battlefield Earth.
Some movies are soooo bad, they are good. Plan 9 from Outer Space, Glen or Glenda, Robot
Monster, Attack of the Star Creatures and Girls Town come to mind. They are not brain numbingly bad for they are entertaining to watch in an offbeat way. Of course, there are some films a person
would rather poke their eyes out with hot pokers than see again because it would be bad beyond fun. The non Mystery Science Theater version of Manos, The Hand Of Fate (straight up, hold the
Bots) would be a good example. No matter what your choice of bad film, they are best taken with friends. Preferably ones experienced in viewing bad cinema!
How/Where can I find some of these films? Is there a film ‘dog pound’ that holds them for a certain length of time prior to putting them out of our … their misery? Some of the films we show
are very obscure and even we have to beat the bushes to find them. Others are more accessible.
Thanks, most kind Imperious One. Crimminy man…let go of the mike, wouldya! It’s over, ok?
Ahem…now, here’s various viscera, I mean visuals and stuff, from the NOWFF held June 8th, 2002 – Noon to Midnight at Ben Franklin High School. Once again the doors are weld shut; and a fresh
batch of victims is forced to suffer through our merciless marathon of mind experimentation. Help us fight the ‘terra” with these abysmal features. The Cruelty includes:
X FROM OUTER SPACE
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Evil Brain From Outer Space |
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Horrorhost Intros And for funny reviews of some really bad films, go to http://www.nowff.com/vault.html Then, try http://www.nowff.com/foy_current.html. It’s a column by Scott Foy, the FOYWONDER, the recipient of this years Golden SLUDGIE Award. He writes on -and on, and on, and on, a 7000+ words article which is more like a treatise, countries have surrendered to countries in fewer words, dredging up more than you ever wanted to know -the movie BENEATH LOCH NESS: a must MISS flick if ever there was one. Coming soon, right on NOWFF’s heels … thank God … here comes the NOFF – New Orleans Film Festival - to the rescue! www.neworleansfilmfest.com I asked NOFF’s Executive Director, Lindsay Ross for a scoop, to which she replied, “What flavor, Steve?” … Ahem, Arthur, you gonna send out press credentials this year? The NOFF is getting a good rep, attendance grows each year. It’s called, affectionately: The Cannes On The Mississippi River! Sacré bleu!
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We still prefer a food donation, so please shoot for that. As always, will be available! |
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© 2002 Steve&Lucille Esquerré
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Claudine Jones San Francisco
Lucille&Steve Esquerré New Orleans
Andrea Kapsaski London
© 2002 Aviar-DKA Ltd. All rights reserved (including authors’ and individual copyrights as indicated). No
part of this material may be reproduced, translated, transmitted, framed or stored in a retrieval system for
public or private use without the written permission of the publisher and the individual copyright holder.
For permissions, contact publishers@scene4.com
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