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"If music be the food of love, play on, give me excess of it"
—William Shakespeare
I had a disagreement, or rather, more of a disappointment with a very dear friend of mine, and this friend is one of my closest, one of my chosen family. We let each other down. We are not talking. I try to forgive the pain I received. I try to understand the hurt I caused. I try to let time do the work of easing offense and injury. I work, I write, I spend time with other friends and I move forward. But certain elements of this unpredictable and ever-changing world (violence, natural disasters, taxes, to name a few) remind me that forgiveness is crucial. Love and friendship are everything because love is always in fashion. I want resolution. I want to live as if there is no tomorrow and to say all there is to say and continue nurturing this friendship before some unknown could possibly take away living in the moment. But I cannot control someone else's feelings and this is a great frustration for me. I like to control things. So my universe has shifted, one of my own has turned away from me and it makes me uneasy and anxious at times.
I look for distraction and comfort. My comfort for an unquiet heart and soul is music (and the obligatory glass or two of vino). And more specifically, the song.
A song contains the poetry of sounds and words, melded together. A song creates the climate of the room, changes my mood, mimics and mocks it, and mostly assures me that I am not alone in my feelings. I have danced, made love, studied, cried, exercised, and frolicked through my life to music. It enriches me and defines me. It relaxes me and heals me. A crescendo, a pause, a rhythm or a beat, an arrangement of syllables and consonants, a formation of thoughts, a yearning in a voice, a longing in a note.... it's all subjective, deeply personal, and uniquely different for every human being.
Amy Winehouse, The Rapture and Band of Horses are few of the artists currently speaking to me through the airwaves but here are a couple of my lyrical personal picks. If I could play these songs for my friend right now, I would.
Hamburg Song by Keane
I don't want to be adored
Don't want to be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to shine a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved
No, don't want to be the only one you know
I want to be the place you call home
I lay myself down to make it so
But you don't want to know
I give much more than I'd ever ask for
Will you see me in the end?
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend?
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again
Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple
I lay myself down to make it so
But you don't want to know
You take much more than I'd ever ask for
Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way
To lay yourself down and make it so?
But you don't want to know
You take much more than I'd ever ask for
Answer by Sarah McLachlan
I will be the answer at the end of the line
I will be there for you while you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance if you can't look down
If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
that I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes a whole life I won't break I won't bend
It'll all be worth it worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
that I need you in my life
And when the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind
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