In Greek mythology, the Muses were the nine goddesses who served as the sources of inspiration for artists, poets, musicians, and thinkers. Although today, muses can present themselves in many forms, they are simply the thing that drives an artist to create their original work.  My muse for instance is a wise cracking, smack talking, carnival barking, cigar chomping, flimflamming, leisure suit wearing guy named Artie.  Artie usually appears to me in my dream state, offering up song ideas and generally bad advice.  He's had a checkered career as a muse.  He once served as a muse to poet Charles Bukowski until he found out that cheap liquor and loose women were inspiration enough.  Artie's services were no longer needed, but he does take credit for providing Bukowski with the title of one of his best collections of poems – Betting On The Muse. Here is a recent conversation with Artie.

Artie:  I've got something for you.

Me:  Ok, what you got?

Artie:  Well, it's only one line, but I think you can work with it.

Me:  Ok, shoot.

Artie:  She's the last stripper at the last strip club in town.  But there is a twist.

Me:  I'm sure there is…there usually is.

Artie:  Well, she has only one leg.

Me:  A stripper with one leg?

Artie:  Yes, and one more thing.

Me:  Can't wait.

Artie:  She's past her prime.

Me:  That's the best you've got?   A one-legged stripper that's past her prime…huh.  I'm sure there are a lot of wheelchairs, walkers, canes, handicapped parking and lots of old geezers involved.

Artie:  Hey, that's your decision.  I can't do all the heavy lifting, now can I?  You'll get it.  You always do.

Me:  Do you have a melody for this work in progress?

Artie:  Nope, not this time.

Me:  Ok, what other great ideas do you have?   And you know I'm being sarcastic.

Artie:  How about a love song?

Me:  Really Artie! Are you effing kidding me?  Me: That's what the world needs now is love, sweet love. 

Artie:  No, my dear boy…that would be a Burt Bacharach song.  Did I ever tell you about the time we collaborated on Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head?

Me:  You helped Burt Bacharach write Raindrops?  Stop Artie, you're too much!  Why would Bacharach need a muse?  He had Hal David as a writing partner.

Artie:  You don't think David didn't have a muse?  His muse was a piece of work, let me tell you…

Me:  Save it for another time.  Lets get back to the love song.

Artie:  Well, what I'm trying to tell you is this particular song is not your typical love song. Its about bad love.  Imagine a woman cruel to her guy, but he's a glutton for punishment.  He' s the target of her wrath.  He's overwhelmed by it, but he still loves her.

Me:  Well, you might have something but I believe Nick Lowe covered that ground in his song Cruel To Be Kind. 

Artie:  Hey, don't get me started with Nick…

Me:  Hey, I won't. Don't you have somewhere you need to go?

Artie:  Well, when I'm not living rent free in you head, I live in Purgatory.

Me:  Colorado?

Artie:  No silly. There's Heaven and Hell…and Purgatory. I have to refine myself in order to get to those pearly gates.  I'm just taking my sweet time, working my way up to being the ringmaster of a four ring circus…because everything is bigger and grander up there.

Me:  Ok, Artie. Until next time.