It
perched on the tip
of my right shoe
("it" being a
spotted lanternfly,
known Linnaeusly as
Lycorma delicatula).
The directive from
the state agency
tasked with insect
assassination stated
that I should crush
these creatures
whenever and
wherever I could
because they were
considered an
"invasive species,"
that is, migrants
setting up house in
a place where those
already here didn't
want any new kids on
their blocks.
But it sat on my
shoetip. I couldn't,
wouldn't, smash my
own foot, so to
carry out the prime
directive meant I
needed to shift it
to the concrete
where I could deal
out death with a
quick Vibram smash
of a shoe sole.
I wiggled my toes.
Nothing. SLF seemed
unconcerned by its
imminent demise
– by anything,
really, no fight or
flight response,
just placid on my
shoe. I flexed the
front part of my
foot upward –
it just rode the
wave. I zigged my
foot, then zagged it
– it rode the
to and the fro.
So, I studied it,
this planthopper
insect related to
the stink bug that
sucks the sap of
grapes and other
related plants
though it prefers
Ailanthus altissima,
the tree of heaven,
which, irony of
ironies, is itself
considered an
invasive species.
(To deepen the
irony, both
biological migrants
originate in China.)
It bears spots, as
the name states
(though not
technically a fly),
with an outer pair
of bland
salmon-colored wings
covering a haute
couture set of
stippled underwings
with flashes of red,
black and white.
But life moves on. I
reached down and
flicked it off my
shoe, thus turning
it into prey.
Except. Why.
Reports about the
effectiveness of
citizen stompery
stopping the spread
of SLF show a
minimal impact on
the spread of the
species – in
other words, no
amount of stomping
will stop its range.
(Though one could
imagine a universe
in which citizens
are willingly
dragooned into
believing that SLF
extinction is
somehow tied to
their own redemption
and bank accounts
and they thus
volunteer to hunt
down every specimen
until they can look
up at the moon with
red-rimmed eyes and
say, "The last is
gone!" While the
overlords who
ordered the killing
slip quietly away
with their riches.)
So, why should I
stomp it? What civic
virtue do I fulfill
by killing a
creature that has
done no harm to me,
who did not get to
choose its fate,
whose effect as an
invasive species is
far, far less than
the damage done by
the invasiveness of
my own species?
But why not stomp
it? Why not grant
the id some pleasure
while asserting my
Genesis dominion
over all the life
that creeps upon the
world? There are
many who love the
taste of dominion on
the tongue, and who
am I to say they
should be denied
their flavors?
Luckily for the SLF,
I got distracted by
my brain churning
through how kill or
not-kill would
affect my own
character, my own
self-regard –
the SLF saved by
solecism and
introspection. Being
a planthopper, it
did what it does
best: it hopped away
(despite their
wings, they hop
better than they
fly) to live another
day of feasting on
sap and excreting
honeydew.
I also continued on,
though with far less
certainty about
where I would end up
and what my brain
would publish
– and, to be
honest, aware that
the Vibram sole
hovered just above
me as always, the
date of its descent
unknown but certain.
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