In
the
long-ago
year
of
2019,
when
Seamus
was
the
primum
inter
pares
of a
kindle
of
five
kittens
rescued
from
the
backyard,
he was
the
curious
and
certain
one.
He had
no
problem
leaping
onto
ledges
and
nosing
into
the
plants,
no
hesitation
in
chasing
the
red
laser
dot,
and,
above
all,
no
reluctance
in
hanging
out
with
the
humans,
whose
company
he
seemed
to
enjoy.
Today,
nothing
seems
to
please
him
more,
as his
handlers
work
from
home,
than
jumping
into
the
chair
next
to me
(we
each
have a
side-chair
at our
desks
to
accommodate
whichever
of our
cats
wants
to
bask
in the
sounds
of
keyboarding,
monitor
glow,
Zoom/Teams
chatter),
lying
on his
side
and
letting
me
sneak
my
hand
in
between
his
hind
legs
and
rest
it
against
the
pure
downiness
of his
belly.
Before
long,
he
nods
off.
Seamus
has a
body
that
is, at
the
same
time,
lithe
and
heavy;
to
hold
him is
to
hold
something
solid
and
“there,”
an
established
“isness”
irreducible
and
elemental,
the
“real.”
He
also
has a
temperament
at
once
crafty
and
innocent,
tricksterish
and
harmless,
and
seems
to go
through
his
days
balancing
the
times
he
pounces
on his
catmates
just
to
annoy
them
with a
little
gnawing
on the
plants,
surveillance
of the
street
from
the
mudroom
window,
rolling
the
ball
of
yarn,
chasing
the
laser
dot,
and,
of
course,
napping
with a
human’s
hand
on his
belly.
That
belly.
When
my
hand
is
slipped
between
his
legs
and
rests
on his
belly,
warmth
and
peace
rise
through
me
that
clean
out
the
sludge
and
scale
of the
routine
and
the
obligatory.
Interspecies
camaraderie.
Sentimental
soliloquy
about
the
pressures
of the
modern
and
the
missed
pleasures
of the
innocent.
Living
in the
moment.
And
we’re
done
with
the
essay.
Except
that
the
hand
on the
belly
is a
much
stranger
event
than
that.
Almost
always,
before
he
gets
on the
side-chair,
he
stands
on his
hind
legs
and,
while
resting
his
body
on the
chair-edge
with
his
left
foreleg,
reaches
out
with
his
right
foreleg,
puts
his
right
paw on
my
forearm
and
with
the
gentlest
of
tugs,
nails
out
just
enough
to get
a
purchase
on my
skin,
pulls
me
toward
him.
Only
after
he’s
done
this
to get
my
attention
does
he
jump
up on
the
chair
and
arrange
his
body
so
that
we can
connect.
I don’t know what he’s thinking, how he’s thinking, but it seems reasonable to interpret that he is making a choice based on a desire and has a plan to satisfy the desire. In the end, we both get what we want, but there is no oneness here because we are two separate sentient creatures signaling to each other and managing, based on outcomes, to think we’ve correctly interpreted the semaphore. The fact that there is no oneness here but instead a reach across a divide is what is so wonderful about the connection.
So
much
of
what
underlies
notions
of
inner
peace
or
theology
is the
hope
that,
at
some
point,
division
and
loneliness
go
away
and
with
them
the
strife
and
angst
they
cause:
a
desire
for
unity
with a
side-order
of the
unambiguous.
But
what a
distinctly
dreary
prospect.
My
hand
on
Seamus’
belly,
like
the
cephalopod
reaching
out to
the
human
diver
in My Octopus Teacher,
reinforces
the
idea
that
strangeness,
and
strangerness,
is how
we
Homo
sapiens
ever
learn
anything
about
anything,
and
that
without
these
encounters,
or at
least
without
enough
of
them,
our
brains
lapse
into
figments
and
fantasies,
infolded
on
themselves,
giving
birth
to all
manner
of
horrors.
Figuring
out
what
Seamus
wants,
and
Seamus
figuring
out
what I
want,
keeps
me
honest,
or at
least
tethered
to the
earth,
hemmed
in by
all
the
separatenesses
around
me
and,
because
of the
confinement,
a much
more
whole
and
integrated
person.
The
strangenesses
of
life
keep
our
lives
affiliated
with
the
real.
T.S.
Eliot
may
have
said
that
“humankind
cannot
stand
very
much
reality,”
but
clearly
it
must
bear
some
or
else
it
will
not be
able
to
bear
any. I
prefer
Thoreau’s
gloss
on
what
we
need
to
bear
to be
able
to
bear
anything:
“Be
it
life
or
death,
we
crave
only
reality.”
Whether
we
like
the
strangeness
that
craving
reality
gifts
to us
is
another
matter,
but
clearly
we
must
have
it
because
with
it
comes
the
curiosity
and
wonder
that
makes
any
life
worth
the
living
of it.
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